There's a Scorpion in My Boot!

I know there are probably several of you out there that have been stung by the vile, ugly, and creepy creature called the bark scorpion (centruroides sculpturatus), for those of us lucky enough to live in Arizona. Those of you who have, I feel your pain, or at least can relate.

I have lived in Arizona for pretty much all 48 years of my life. I have read about these loathsome creatures in books and have seen them in documentaries and such on Animal Planet and even on the news. But I had never encountered one in real life…until we moved to Buckeye about four years ago. I guess I should consider myself lucky.

My first encounter (I remember like it was yesterday) occurred when I opened a cabinet in the kitchen to retrieve a clean dishtowel. Removing the last one, revealed a giant scorpion at least 12 inches long, not including its venomous tail that was dripping with sickly yellow poison. Well, it might not have been 12 inches, but it was big enough.

I just stood there for a few seconds, stunned. When that wore off, I stood there for a few more seconds watching it crawl around on the empty shelf snapping it’s pincers and swinging its tail about. I looked around for some kind of weapon to slay this horrible beast with, but could find none. I eventually decided to use what was currently in my hand…the last clean dishtowel. 

The scorpion and I squared off like two boxers in the ring, ready to do battle for the title. I bobbed, it weaved, I bobbed again, did a feint to my opening him up for my lightning attack. It took a few tires to break through its armor plating, but eventually I murdered it, I mean killed it in self-defense. When the deed was done, I sat down and wept.

From then on, almost daily, we would see these creatures creeping around the house. Most of the time, they appeared to be injured in some manner, which made them easier to dispatch. Our cat, Jackie Chan, would usually find them, so I figured, it was probably he who was injuring them.

To combat this apparent scorpion invasion, I sprayed around the house, inside and out, on a regular basis, but they still managed to invade our castle. Last year, we moved down a few houses and across the street. I was hoping to have better luck in our new digs. But that hope was dashed soon after the move. We found numerous scorpions roaming our new home, finding the weaknesses in our defenses, preparing for an attack. 

I killed all that I saw, and suspect that there were others we never saw that the cat took care of. I believe that this batch of vile creatures were transferred by us through our move in numerous boxes that had been stored in garage of our old house for an extended period of time. After a month or so, we finally seemed to be scorpion free.

Then day, the cat kept pawing at something by the back door, I couldn’t see anything so I ignored him. Big mistake. The next morning I was sitting on the couch watching the news, getting ready to put on my socks when I felt a prick in my foot. I thought it was just an itch so I reached down to scratch when I saw it, a large scorpion almost invisible (I think they have some kind of cloaking device) on our brown carpet. At the same time, agonizing pain exploded in my foot. Just like my first real life encounter with one, I was just staring at it, not really comprehending that this evil creature had just stung me. 

And once again, I found myself unarmed. Instinct finally took over. I grabbed the cover on a chair and engaged in hand to tail combat, finally murderizing it to death. This time, I didn’t sit down and weep. I did sit down, but the pain in my foot prevented me from weeping. It almost totally consumed my faculties. I was able to get the kids off to school then collapse on the couch again. Unfortunately my brain was clouded enough to block my judgment. I didn’t look up what to do in a situation like this. I just sat there suffering from the pain and replaying the event over and over in my mind.

I was just stung by a scorpion. Me, stung by a fucking scorpion. Then I realized that during the moment this hideous creature decided to attack me, my nine-year-old daughter was laying on the same brown carpet not two feet away from where I was stung. Then I didn’t feel so bad. I actually felt glad that I had gotten stung, instead of her.

I made a quick recovery I thought. The pain and tingling and numbness disappeared at about 1 AM. Two days later I was the proud owner of an LED black light flashlight, which I used to great effect in the front and back yard every night for about two weeks, murdering any scorpion I saw, which was no small number. After a few nights, coming up empty, I stopped my hunting trips. Occasionally I still go out and check around, but have yet to see one.

This is one creature, that could go extinct, and I wouldn’t shed a tear.