From the Diary Luna, Pet Dog Extraordinaire

June 11, 2016
Saturday

7:32 am
My human finally got ready to take me on my morning walk. I had been telling him to get his butt in gear for fifteen minutes. He is always looking his phone. What could possibly be on that thing more important than me?

7:35 am
My human puts the leash on and I try and run out the door hoping that he will accidently let go and I can run free. Disappointment. He didn’t. Maybe next time. He pointed out a small lizard on the front porch, encouraging me to give chase, which I did. It ran off the porch into the bush. He wouldn’t let me pursue. Bastard.

When we headed to the sidewalk, another human was walking across our intended path toting what I thought was a rat on a leash. It turned out to be one of those tiny dogs. They scare me. But my human made me greet this ‘dog’ and had the balls to pet it right in front of me. Bastard. Then Cutie Pie didn’t even have the courtesy to sniff my butt. Bitch.

They made their strange sounds, a primitive way of communicating. Probably saying things like, oh, she is so cute. What a pretty little dog, and shit like that.

7:39 am
Finally set off on our walk. Thankfully my human took a different route because the other human went our usual direction. I got to smell a new cat in the hood and a few dog piles. Someone is getting better treats than I am. Bastard.

7:42 am
Walked past the school. Lots of birds in the field that would be really fun to chase. But, alas, my human is a douche and won’t let me.

7:47 am
Another lizard spotted by a bush. I could just smell its fear, thinking I might make a snack of it. I lunged at it and my human promptly jerked on the leash. Fear me all you lizards out there! I’ll be back!

7:48 am
It is getting hot out earlier and earlier. Summer. At least my human understands what the hot sidewalk can do to my sensitive paws. Sometimes he knows what he is doing. Hopefully we will be heading back soon. Tomorrow, an earlier walk I think.

7:53 am
A cat! A cat! It was right there in front of me not more than 4 feet. It was just staring at me with those evil yellow eyes. Not moving a muscle, laughing at me, at the fact that I was on a leash and couldn’t wipe the smirk off its face. But then it was my turn to laugh. I knew something that this freak didn’t. There was some slack in the leash. I could be all over it in half a second. My human commanded me “no Luna, no!” A dog has to do what her human says right? That cat doesn’t know how lucky it was today,or how close to death it came. Well, maybe not death, but I would have put the scare in it.

8:01 am
Walking up the driveway of my house. I am tired, my paws are hot and my human is anxious to get inside and watch that box he is always staring at. Maybe I can get him to play a few minutes before he sits down. Yeah, right. Bastard. Surprise, he is playing with me. Forget that bastard part. At least for now.

8:07 am
A few minutes of playing ball and tug of war. Ready for my nap. Unfortunately I am not my human’s only pet. He has two evil cats that constantly harass me. Like now. Taunting me with their freakish ability to jump on the counters. Bastards. One of these days when my human isn’t looking, I will be able to raid the litter box. Mmmmmm. That will show them.