I know there are probably several of you out there that have
been stung by the vile, ugly, and creepy creature called the bark scorpion
(centruroides sculpturatus), for those of us lucky enough to live in Arizona.
Those of you who have, I feel your pain, or at least can relate.
I have lived in Arizona for pretty much all 48 years of my
life. I have read about these loathsome creatures in books and have seen them
in documentaries and such on Animal Planet and even on the news. But I had
never encountered one in real life…until we moved to Buckeye about four years
ago. I guess I should consider myself lucky.
My first encounter (I remember like it was yesterday)
occurred when I opened a cabinet in the kitchen to retrieve a clean dishtowel.
Removing the last one, revealed a giant scorpion at least 12 inches long, not
including its venomous tail that was dripping with sickly yellow poison. Well, it
might not have been 12 inches, but it was big enough.
I just stood there for a few seconds, stunned. When that
wore off, I stood there for a few more seconds watching it crawl around on the
empty shelf snapping it’s pincers and swinging its tail about. I looked around
for some kind of weapon to slay this horrible beast with, but could find none.
I eventually decided to use what was currently in my hand…the last clean
dishtowel.
The scorpion and I squared off like two boxers in the ring, ready to
do battle for the title. I bobbed, it weaved, I bobbed again, did a feint to my
opening him up for my lightning attack. It took a few tires to break through
its armor plating, but eventually I murdered it, I mean killed it in
self-defense. When the deed was done, I sat down and wept.
From then on, almost daily, we would see these creatures
creeping around the house. Most of the time, they appeared to be injured in
some manner, which made them easier to dispatch. Our cat, Jackie Chan, would
usually find them, so I figured, it was probably he who was injuring them.
To combat this apparent scorpion invasion, I sprayed around
the house, inside and out, on a regular basis, but they still managed to invade
our castle. Last year, we moved down a few houses and across the street. I was
hoping to have better luck in our new digs. But that hope was dashed soon after
the move. We found numerous scorpions roaming our new home, finding the
weaknesses in our defenses, preparing for an attack.
I killed all that I saw,
and suspect that there were others we never saw that the cat took care of. I
believe that this batch of vile creatures were transferred by us through our
move in numerous boxes that had been stored in garage of our old house for an
extended period of time. After a month or so, we finally seemed to be scorpion
free.
Then day, the cat kept pawing at something by the back door,
I couldn’t see anything so I ignored him. Big mistake. The next morning I was
sitting on the couch watching the news, getting ready to put on my socks when I
felt a prick in my foot. I thought it was just an itch so I reached down to scratch
when I saw it, a large scorpion almost invisible (I think they have some kind
of cloaking device) on our brown carpet. At the same time, agonizing pain
exploded in my foot. Just like my first real life encounter with one, I was
just staring at it, not really comprehending that this evil creature had just
stung me.
And once again, I found myself unarmed. Instinct finally took over. I
grabbed the cover on a chair and engaged in hand to tail combat, finally
murderizing it to death. This time, I didn’t sit down and weep. I did sit down,
but the pain in my foot prevented me from weeping. It almost totally consumed
my faculties. I was able to get the kids off to school then collapse on the
couch again. Unfortunately my brain was clouded enough to block my judgment. I
didn’t look up what to do in a situation like this. I just sat there suffering
from the pain and replaying the event over and over in my mind.
I was just stung by a scorpion. Me, stung by a fucking
scorpion. Then I realized that during the moment this hideous creature decided
to attack me, my nine-year-old daughter was laying on the same brown carpet not
two feet away from where I was stung. Then I didn’t feel so bad. I actually
felt glad that I had gotten stung, instead of her.
I made a quick recovery I thought. The pain and tingling and
numbness disappeared at about 1 AM. Two days later I was the proud owner of an
LED black light flashlight, which I used to great effect in the front and back
yard every night for about two weeks, murdering any scorpion I saw, which was
no small number. After a few nights, coming up empty, I stopped my hunting
trips. Occasionally I still go out and check around, but have yet to see one.
This is one creature, that could go extinct, and I wouldn’t
shed a tear.
