How to Deal with Death...and Life

September 7, 2010
Tuesday
00:20

I was just getting into bed when I felt the need to write a few things down before I fell asleep. I am sure they are not profound or important, but just something I wanted to remember.

When I decided to become a stay-at-home parent, I knew that the job would not be an easy one and that there would probably be times that I wished that I hadn't chosen this path at all. Well, it has been most difficult and there have been times that I have felt that maybe I wasn't the best person for the job. But, I don't think that I could go back. Being at home with my kids is the best job I could ever have, despite the difficulties.

And speaking of difficulties, one has come up recently that I don't know how to deal with on my own. The best solution that I can find is to get help from an old friend that I have ignored and put out of my life for far too long. God.

About two weeks or so ago, I had to have my dog of 14 years put to sleep. It wasn't really a difficult decision to make, but a difficult decision for me to deal with. Sam was not my pet dog. She was my good friend and part of the family. The decision still rests heavy on my shoulders despite the knowledge that it was the right thing to do.

Well, my kids really didn't have a reaction at the time, but one of them is now, but I am not sure it is all due to the fact that he misses her. I believe it is something more. He was having a rather difficult time getting to bed tonight be cause he said he missed Sam. Earlier in the day he asked why I had her put to sleep. I tried to explain it to him the best I could, but my efforts were not good enough because he still couldn't understand why she had to die. I told him that she is in heaven now and no longer in pain.

But when it comes to explaining death, it cannot be done without God's help. And this brings me to the conclusion that his sadness over her death is not just that, but a search for something else...for God and the knowing that life is not meant to be sad but should be filled with happiness. That there is more too it. Despite my and my wife's best efforts, he is just not finding the answers he is looking for.

So, we need to bring in the big guns so to speak. We should have done this long
ago, but for reasons even unknown to us, we haven't. But I think that it will be good for all of us. It is time we all go to church and let God heal.

It breaks my heart to see him when he gets sad like this and I can't fix it. But with the help of God and his only son, Jesus, I know he will find that which he seeks.